Grasping for Humanness: Opinion Piece
06-17-2024 By: Charla Cunningham LMFT
Boston College psychology researcher, Peter Gray, writes a Substack column entitled, “Play Makes Us Human.” When I heard him speak recently on Shankar Vedantam’s “Hidden Brain” Podcast, I heaved a sigh of relief. “Finally,” I thought, “a researcher who backs the clinical work I have been promoting for years. A scholar, who is calling out the critical necessity for human to human interactive play in an age of booming IT, and AI.” And yet, recently he called out the Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy for encouraging Congress to require digital warnings be attached to social media platforms.
I realize there are many benefits to technology. Information is at our fingertips. Medical advances are surging. You can remain in touch with friends and family all over the world. Personally, the ability to see and speak with my grieving father every night on Zoom since my Mother died, has been a gift to us both. But as most Zen philosophers agree, there is a balance to everything-a positive and a negative.
Whether or not it was merely a coincidence, or the Universe trying to wake me up, I recently encountered a slew of electronic experiences that had me tossing and turning at night. “Are we losing our humanness?” I wondered.
It began with an emergency call from a client’s Mother who told me her child threatened to kill her and himself when she asked him to get off of his computer device. He was in the midst of playing a video game that he absolutely HAD to win, in order to feel that dopamine surge in his prefrontal cortex. When his mother insisted he stop, he flew into a rage punching her and looking for a knife to threaten her with. Once his regulatory system calmed a bit, he felt so guilty, the threat changed to killing himself. I wish this was just a one-off story, but it’s one I hear almost weekly.
When inquiring what led to this child’s behavior, I discovered he was on his gaming device two hours every weekday, and up to ten hours a day on the weekends-a sure path towards video gaming addiction. When attempting to brainstorm replacement activities with friends, family, and self, he drew a blank. His creative ideation was stymied, and nothing I mentioned sounded fun. It’s typical to jump to blaming the parent in these situations for being “neglectful,” but when you understand this is a single mom, working full time, raising an easily disregulated child, you come to learn that the device is a tool for keeping the child occupied and calm. That is, until you have to get them off. Like any addict, that’s when the melt-downs, pleading, lying, and violence begin.
Another client challenged with ADHD who claims constant boredom, unless she is on her Gaming server, sat in my play studio and declined every attempt at play. When I insisted on walking her five minutes down the block to experience a mini farm full of goats, chickens, and bunnies, she lay on the sidewalk scowling about how mean I was to make her go. She insisted on going home so she could be back on her device.
The next morning I woke up to an on-line newsfeed from a Parenting magazine, who I generally admire for posting family friendly activities and camps for children. But that morning at the top of their magazine was an advertisement for an AI Chatbot with the headline: “Miss Out on Summer Camps this year?” “Keep your kids curious & learning all summer!” This is, according to the advertisers, a “free and friendly AI robot” that is “safe," and “always age-appropriate.” As a psychotherapist having studied the importance of healthy attachment, it made me wonder what happens when a child attaches to a robot as opposed to playing and interacting with peers, and family members? Is this bot the new nanny?
I was shocked that a family based magazine would suggest that a summer spent with a Chatbot is healthy and “safe.” I wrote to the magazine asking why they would post such an addictive substance on a parenting magazine? I shared my concern that it would particularly appeal to neuro-divergent clients, like mine, who avoid summer camps due to social anxiety, sensory, and behavioral issues, or families who lack the income to afford summer camps and childcare. The editors tried to side-step it: “We do not have influence on the practices of our advertisers.” “But you do have influence on who you accept money from, and what your readership reads.” When they told me they don’t necessarily endorse their advertisers, I asked them if they would be willing to advertise a cotton candy flavored vape pen on their next edition? No response.
That night I attended a remarkable performance at my local theater. Before becoming a therapist, I was a professional actress, and theater director, so I know the hard work, and soulful energy actors put into their performances, as well as the set designers, costume designers, sound and lighting crew. As I sat there trying to immerse myself in the theatrical experience, my attention was constantly bombarded by a restless teenager who sat next to me alternately turning on his electronic phone, and watch. Behind me sat a loud group of self-identified College students who couldn’t stop talking. The ability to sit quietly through a performance, and be immersed in the art and magic of a production, appears to be lost on this younger generation who appear easily bored and in need of constant dopamine hits from their devices.
The truth is, it’s not just kids. There are a growing number of adults who are addicted to their devices as well. How many families put down their phones at dinnertime, or sit and eat together without a screen? How many people go on vacation without taking their devices? Why was that father I witnessed the other day scrolling through his Instagram feed, while his young child sat bored to tears at a corner cafe? Why does that couple I see in therapy, wonder why their relationship is failing, when they go off every night and spend their once-upon-a-time connectivity on their separate devices?
Even within my own profession, technology has taken over in-person treatment. Since the COVID-19 Pandemic, most of my clinical colleagues have remained on Telehealth. Their reason? Sometimes it’s for their client’s benefit, but often it’s for convenience, and money-saving. A therapist who works from home can save thousands of dollars a month by no longer requiring an office space. They don’t have to commute to work, and often their clients prefer the lack of transporting to their office as well. But what have we lost? Therapists are defined as “relational experts,” how then do we ethically justify meeting clients regularly on a screen? The human connection is dampened. Most therapists, social workers, and clients I’ve discussed this with, agree that a “sixth-sense” transpires between client and therapist when meeting in-person, that is lost on-line. Some of my colleagues justify Telehealth by saying the safety of distance via a screen makes a client open up more, but that is not my experience.
Last week a young adult client with ASD and ADHD, who I have been seeing for years terminated with me. Still living under his parent’s roof, after completing college on-line, he began to spiral into greater social isolation and despair. He stays awake all night, and sleeps all day. He’s become highly addicted to YouTube and on-line pornography. When I urged him to change his sleep schedule, get outside for a 15 minute daily walk, join a health club, and an in-person gaming club, he became frustrated and informed me via text the next day, that he was discontinuing services with me. When I finally got him to agree to a termination session, and asked him what his plan was for future mental health support, he informed me he was replacing me with ChatGPT. “I can turn it on whatever time of day or night I want to, and I can turn it off when I don’t like what it says. I can’t turn you off and on at will.”
I find it ironic that the largest on-line therapy company claims the name, “BetterHelp.” Perhaps a more appropriate name would be, “ConvenientHelp.” What type of a society are we morphing into when even our relationship experts are choosing the convenience, and money saving methods of screens over human connectivity? How long, I wonder, before we all are replaced with robots?
What is the answer? I keep coming back to the Zen philosophy of “Balance.” There is no way to erase technology from our culture, and AI is surging into our lives faster than we can stop it. Is it all bad? No, certainly not. But when it starts to take over portions of life that enhance our humanness, and that becomes the norm, what does that mean for Humanity? Try turning off your device, and go play with someone. Perhaps you’ll realize what you’ve been missing.
Charla Cunningham LMFT is a licensed marriage family therapist in Portland, Oregon. She has been working as a child-family developmental play therapist for the past 20 years. She specializes in working with 2e neuro-divergent clients and their families. Her work integrating drama therapy and play based interventions has been featured at developmental conferences across the country. She is the owner and creator of: Playful Intervention LLC.
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Notes:
https://www.petergray@substack.com/“Play Makes Us Human: Letters about the roles of play in human evolution, child development, culture, and daily living.” By Peter Gray
https://hiddenbrain.org/Hidden Brain Media/Shankar Vedantam: Host/Creator
https://www.buddhisma2z.com/Guide To Buddhism A To Z/Balance
https://www.pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/The dual role of dopamine in the modulation of information processing in the prefrontal cortex underlaying social behavior/Hidekazu Sotoyama et al. FASEB J. 2022 Feb.
https://www.business.instagram.com
https://www.telehealth.hhs.gov
https://www.psychologytoday.com/Understanding Interoception, the Sixth Sense/Psychology Today
https://apps.apple.com > chat > gpt
https://www.betterhelp.com